To be a growing, loving family,
with Christ at the centre,
reaching out to all

Alpha Course in Walton-on-Thames
Debbie Bennett - August 2004

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Alpha was not for me

In the last couple of years I had been approached to do an Alpha course on numerous occasions, even by my own husband. However I felt it wasn't for me. I already had a strong faith and had recently been confirmed a couple of years before. I already regularly went to Meditation evenings and attended numerous different church services. I religiously went to all the Lent Services and have done some courses e.g. Approaches to Prayer. I felt what more could I gain from Alpha? I had a perceived view that Alpha was for new Christians or for someone who was trying to find a faith. How wrong was I to be proved!

One winter's night I was approached by Caroline Merrick, who said that she would very much like me to be on her daytime Alpha course. I said I would seriously think about it, but I didn't have time to fit it in. I was adamant that it was not for me. However when I got home late that night, I wrote all the Alpha Course dates in my diary. I cannot explain why and I was so annoyed with myself, because I desperately needed some time out in my busy schedule.

Something made me attend the first meeting. I sat there wondering why I had come, and thinking of all the things that would I rather be doing. It was a precious Friday morning when both my boys were at school, I could be better off spending some indulgent time for me - but the course was later to change the whole foundation of my faith. It brought me closer to God and was a very moving, emotional ten weeks. Throughout the whole course I was very ill and I could so easily have spent the day in bed, but something made me drag myself out every morning to attend. I owe a huge thank you to everyone that prayed for me.

Initially, I had a conception that it would be a bit boring, going over issues that I had already dealt with. In reality it was very enlightening and Nicky Gumbel is a very powerful, entrancing speaker who brings a new edge to searching issues. However he made me realise that God does not force his way into our lives but through prayer it is up to us to invite him in.

While I was there I felt spiritually fulfilled, something I had never truly felt before. I was among fellow Christians and my faith was progressing to an even higher level than I had ever imagined would be possible. It taught me family values, everyday life issues, that God forgives us - and it forced me to re-evaluate my faith and look closer within. I also learnt that I could ask for help, guidance and forgiveness from God for myself. In the past I had always prayed for other people, not for myself.

The most moving experience was the Holy Spirit weekend when we had a wonderful day with lunch and talks. Nicky Gumbel had given an illustration that Christians are like coals - if you take them out of the fire they soon become dark and cold - when you put them back they quickly become glowing hot again. My coal was once smouldering outside the fire but now it was ablaze in the heart of the fire.

We can say that we believe in the Trinity, but it is another thing to put our trust in the Lord. Alpha opened my eyes to this concept. Since doing Alpha I have put some of my more personal problems in the hands of God and I have had several of them answered. A couple of answers were definitely miraculous - things that I thought were not possible. On reflection I am so glad that I attended the course. I got so much out of it, more than I could have imagined at first.

I have now gone on to attend two home groups - something I had also never wanted to do. However after doing Alpha I feel the need to go - to learn more about my faith and to keep my coal alight.

My confirmation path started me on my journey and a greater understanding of the Eucharist and I will never be able to thank Gay Horrex enough in helping me on my path. However Alpha has now greatly deepened my faith and given me an inner spiritual peace and an understanding of the Lord our Father.

Debbie Bennett

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